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  • RE-CAP:
  • WHY?
  • HOW TO SEARCH.
  • WHAT TO LOOK FOR.
  • WHERE TO LOOK
  • WRONG REASONS

Definition of Marriage:

 “The union of two people of the opposite sex who have pledged to love one another unconditionally and live together forever with God as their witness.” (UOM)

God is the witness of all marriages, whether you do it in secret or with just one witness or with three thousand witnesses.

I pray for those who are still looking for life partners/spouses that today shall be a turning point in the Name of Jesus.

Those who say you will not marry MUST let you go in the name of Jesus.

God’s desire/reasons for marriage

  1. To tend the Land (Man) – to look after the Earth.

Genesis 2:15

Then the Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to tend and keep it.

  1. Supporter: (Woman) – that person who will help him fulfil that God given role. Give him aid to achieve his purpose.

Genesis. 2:18

And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.”

  1. One flesh

– man supposed to look after the wife.

– Godly offspring.

Malachi 2:15 

But did He not make them one,
Having a remnant of the Spirit?
And why one?
He seeks godly offspring.
Therefore take heed to your spirit
And let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth.

Genesis 2:24

Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and they shall become one flesh.

  1. Procreate – populate the earth.

Genesis 1:28

Then God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”

  1. Sex – to enjoy sex legally; according to the will of God

1 Corinthians 7:8-9

8But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; 

but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

The Search: HOW?

PREPARE yourself – you are both looking.

  1. Prayer: God is our enabler.
  • You need to know God; better still if you can give your life to Christ, it makes all the difference.

Philippians 4:6

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God;

Matthew 6:33

But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.

  • Ask Him what you want.
  1. Looks (Men & Women)
  • Dressing (Dress the way you want to be addressed). What and who do you want to look like?
  • Professional Dressing
  • Casual Dressing
  • Social Dressing
  • Grooming
  • Hair
  • Personal Hygiene
    • Deodorant
    • Mouthwash
    • Douching
    • Laundry
  1. Character/Qualities (What makes a good wife or husband?)
  • Extrovert/Introvert?
  • Responsible/Reliable
  • Disciplined
  • Generous
  • Loving
  • Proud/humble
  • Resilient
  • Patient
  • Kind
  • Homebuilder
  • PRAYERS
  • Lord Jesus, I pray for divine direction. Lead me to my God-ordained life partner
  • I dissociate myself from any covenant or evil prophecy of late marriage
  • I pray that any strange marks on my body be rubbed off and washed away with the blood of Jesus

Galatians 3:13

Christ has redeemed us from the curse of the law, having become a curse for us (for it is written, “Cursed is everyone who hangs on a tree”

  • In this programme, O Lord, I divorce my own will to receive your will. Help me to make the right choice
  • Lord, open my eyes, help me to shine them well and beyond seductive evil forces of the enemy IJN.
  • I reject every spiritual marriage certificate signed in the spirit world on my behalf to nullify my marriage here on earth
  • I reject the provision of a counterfeit spouse IJN.
  • Lord Jesus as from today, my footsteps shall be directed to the bone of my bone and the flesh of my flesh or to my Boaz IJN.

Parents/Grandparents

  • Lord, I believe you have created my son/daughter for a special woman/man, bring their union to pass IJN.
  • Father, in the name of Jesus just as Abraham sent his servant to find his son Isaac a wife, send the Holy Spirit to bring my sons and daughters’ future spouses IJN.
  • READERS – Pray from your heart.
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  • Marriage is a beautiful institution that originated from God Himself.

 

  • It is meant to be a beautiful experience, a foretaste of “heaven on earth”.

 

  • There are different phases in marriage and it needs different behaviour. If you are no willing to change and adapt, you will not enjoy your marriage

 

Quotes on Change

  • Heraclitus, a Greek philosopher, is quoted as saying “change is the only constant in life.”

 

  • Henry Ford also said, “If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.”

 

  • Wikkipedia defined INSANITY as “doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.”

WHO ARE THE PEOPLE THAT SHOULD CHANGE?

FOR MEN:

  1. THE VIOLENT MAN:

Ephesians 5:28

“So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.”

 

  • These ones are easily provoked at the slightest opportunity?
  • These ones beat their wives to show that they are the boss in the house.
  • They will be quick to tell the woman “I am the man in this house”

GOLDEN RULE: If you love your wife as your own body, you will not be violent to her or mistreat her.

 

  1. THE ABSENTEE FATHER/ UNAVAILABLE MAN

Proverbs 27:8

“Like a bird that wanders from its nest, Is a man who wanders from his place.”

 

  • These are the men that are never around to support their wife and children.
  • They are either womanisers or workaholics
  • Some of them prefer to be with their friends rather than go home after work

GOLDEN RULE: Love your wife and family and be there for them

 

  1. THE IRRESPONSIBLE REPRESENTATIVE

1 Timothy 5:8

“But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”

 

  • They are very generous to everyone else except their wife and children. They will not provide enough for their family even when they can do so.
  • These will put their brother, sister, mother, friend rather than their wife as their next of kin in their offices
  • If they buy a property or properties their immediate family will not be in the know.
  • These ones do not protect their family from undue family interference

GOLDEN RULE: Provide for your family’s need as much as you can and protect them from any harmful environment or persons

 

WHO ARE THE PEOPLE THAT SHOULD CHANGE?

FOR WOMEN:

  1. A SCATTERER

Proverbs 14:10

“The wise woman builds her house, But the foolish pulls it down with her hands.”

  • These kinds of women are the ones that always stoke the fire of war in the family
  • If her husband is angry with his siblings, instead of trying to make peace, she will be butting their heads against each other

GOLDEN RULE: Learn to always seek the path of peace

 

2.THE UNGRATEFUL WOMAN

2 Timothy 3:2

“For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy,”

  • These kinds of women are never appreciative of their husbands no matter what he does
  • They are always comparing him with others who they feel are better, richer, more loving than their husbands
  • They are never satisfied with their status in life
  1. Selfish: she always wants everything to be done her way or not at all

 

  1. THE DISRESPECTFUL WOMAN

Esther 1:10-12

10 On the seventh day, when the heart of the king was merry with wine, he commanded….seven eunuchs who served in the presence of King Ahasuerus, 11 to bring Queen Vashti before the king wearing her royal crown, in order to show her beauty to the people and the officials, for she was beautiful to behold. 12 But Queen Vashti refused to come at the command brought by his eunuchs; therefore, the king was furious, and his anger burned within him.

 

  • These kinds of women are very rude to their husbands
  • They do not listen to advise or instruction
  • They are selfish and they want things to always go their way
  • They treat him anyhow especially when they are making more money than him

 

GOLDEN RULE: Learn to give honour and respect to your husband as the head of the home and family

 

CRITERIA FOR SUCCESS IN THE HOME

  • The major criteria for success in Marriage is God wants us to become one in mind, soul and body when we get married.

 

  • There is so much power in unity: Jesus Christ prayed to God the Father in John 17:11 to make the disciples one.

“Now I am no longer in the world, but these are in the world, and I come to You. Holy Father, keep through Your name those whom You have given Me, that they may be one as We are.”

 

  • God acknowledges that nothing will be impossible to those who unite. They will accomplish whatever they put their minds to.

 

Remember the tower of babel in Genesis 11:5-6?

“But the Lord came down to see the city and the tower which the sons of men had built. 6And the Lord said, “Indeed the people are one and they all have one language, and this is what they begin to do; now nothing that they propose to do will be withheld from them”

 

  • The same will happen in any marriage relationship that both partners are in one accord.

 

The devil understands this as well and so he will try to ensure that couples do not access the power that lies in unity.

 

How does the devil fight UNITY in the Marriage?

  1. He does this by causing misunderstanding and miscommunication between the couple.

 

  1. When misunderstandings occur each partner blames the other and no one wants to accept being in the wrong

 

  1. If this lingers for too long, it might cause a rift that may be difficult to bridge and which could eventually lead to separation and divorce

 

WHO SHOULD CHANGE IN MARRIAGE?

  • Al Hoffman andDick Manning (1952) said “it takes two to tango”.

 

  • For the marriage to work, the husband must be willing to make allowances as well as the wife. If it is only one partner that is doing all the change and adjustments, the partner may eventually get tired and feel that he/she is being taken for granted.

 

WHAT TO CHANGE?

YOUR ATTITUDE WILL DETERMINE YOUR ALTITUDE – ZIG ZIGLAR

CHANGE TIPS

  1. Don’t say anything negative to your spouse. If you don’t have something positive to say, keep quiet

 

James 1:19

“So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath

 

 

  1. Show an unexpected gesture as an act of kindness

Ephesians 4:32

“And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you”

 

  1. Be generous towards your partner to show how much you value them

 

Proverbs 11:25

“The generous soul will be made rich, And he who waters will also be watered himself.”

 

  1. Ask after the welfare of your spouse. Be mindful of them

 

  1. Pray for one another

James 5:16

“and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much”.

 

 

  1. Listen to each other, don’t be quick to jump to conclusion

James 1:19

“So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, 

 

  1. Study your spouse, learn to know what they like and don’t like

 

  1. Watch out for parasites; things that suck life out of your marriage. They may be in the form of addictions, negative friends

 

 

Conclusion

The desire of God for our marriages is that it should be joyful and happy.

 

Therefore, it is our responsibility to fight for our marriages and our family. God will help us and our homes will become a place of refuge and succor to all the members in Jesus name. Amen

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Introduction

  • How many of you are looking for a wonderful life partner?
  • How many of you came here with burdens in your heart concerning your marriage and you are trusting God for a miracle?
  • How many of you have good marriages, but you are here to learn how to make it better and sweeter?
  • How many of you know that today, you will receive a word from God that will change your life forever?
  • If you believe it, shout a big Halleluyah.

DEFINITION OF MARRIAGE

Marriage is a covenant between a man and a woman before God.

Marriage is a university with matriculation and no convocation!

SINGLES

  • How many of you want to get married?
  • Why do you want to get married?
  • Are you getting married for the right reasons or the wrong ones?

 

HEALTHY AND UNHEALTHY REASONS FOR MARRIAGE

HEALTHY

UNHEALTHY

For Procreation- Genesis 1:28

 

“And God blessed them and said unto them, be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth”

 

Security-both physical and financial

For companionship (Gen. 2:18)

“And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.” 

People marry because the fiancé is pregnant or because they had sex, enjoyed the experience or think they are compatible.

To fulfil sexual needs and fulfillment in the way God establishes it (Heb. 13:4)

Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled ;but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.

Fear of being left out because of old age or status.

Because you believe it is God’s will for you to marry your spouse (Eph. 5:31-32)

“31 For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. “

Social pressure among peers, parents, church and friends

For partnership, love and communication – We get to know, understand, demonstrate and express love the way God intends it (1 John 4:8,18).

8 He who does not love does not know God, for God is love…18There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love”

Forced or arranged marriages

To copy your parents- because you come from a happy home

 

 

 

WHAT TO LOOK OUT FOR IN A HUSBAND

  1. Look for signs of responsibility
  • Does he love children?
  • Does he pay his bills?
  • Is he always giving excuses for one thing or the other?
  • Does he procrastinate?
  • Is he always late?
  • Is he a complainer?
  • Is he an alcoholic/drug addict?
  • Is he a liar?
  • Does he fear God? (1 Peter 3:1-2)

1Wives, likewise be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. 

 

Other traits to look out for

  • Is he domineering or are you both domineering?
  • Ambition
  • Anger
  • Is he a flirt?
  • Is he arrogant?

 

HOW TO PREPARE FOR MARRIAGE

  • Prayerfully
  • Your appearance -Esther
  • Character – Ruth/Naomi
  • Your circle of friends

 

It is very important that you marry for the right reasons and not for the wrong ones, because if your marriage is not based on the right foundation, the marriage will crumble.

 

Psalm 11:3

“If the foundations are destroyed, What can the righteous do?”

 

So build your foundation on solid ground.

 

MARRIED WOMEN

The bible says in Proverbs 14:1

“The wise woman builds her house, But the foolish pulls it down with her hands.”

 

So what kind of bricks are you going to use or are you using to build yours?

 

As a married woman, you need to have the right attitude in marriage to make it last. There are things that we need to do, to go the extra mile and do things God’s way and not our way. The world may call you stupid or foolish and al sorts of other names, they believe in doing things their way, but you should know better.

 

If we follow the teachings and examples that Jesus gave us in the bible, then our marriages will be blissful.

Christianity is a very different way of life from all other religions of the world. Jesus expects us to stand out from others by going the extra mile. He came to the world to demonstrate this and to teach us how to be different. Let us look at the scriptures and see evidences of his life and teachings, when he taught us.

  1. To look the other way when offended – Luke 6:29

         “To him who strikes you on the one cheek, offer the            other also.”

 

  1. Be slow to speak, do not be quick to respond to everything- John 19:1

“Then Pilate said to Him, “Are You not speaking to me? Do You not know that I have power to crucify You, and power to release You?”

 

  1. Be gentle and demonstrate gentleness every time- Matthew 10:16 (Story of Esther)

“Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves. Therefore, be wise as serpents and harmless as doves.”

 

  1. He always responds with wisdom. He expects us to do the same- 1 Corinthians 14:20 (Story of Abigail)

“Brethren, do not be children in understanding; however, in malice be babes, but in understanding be mature.”

 

  1. He taught us to be peace makers – Matthew 5:9 (Story of Abigail)

“Blessed are the peacemakers, For they shall be called sons of God.”

 

  1. He taught us prayer, patience and perseverance -Luke 18:10 (Esther)

“Then He spoke a parable to them, that men always

ought to pray and not lose heart.”

 

Once again, ask yourself: How should I make my marriage work? which bricks do I need to build my marriage?

 

  1. Don’t repay evil for evil. Two wrongs never make a right.      Because your husband is irresponsible and not providing for    the home, is not enough reason for you to become      irresponsible as well

   Matthew 5:38-39

38“You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.’ 39 But I tell you not to resist an evil person. But whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also”

 

  1. Do not engage in adultery to meet your needs – Deuteronomy 5:18

        “You shall not commit adultery.”

 

  1. Don’t be quick to play the blame game. It always takes two to tango. Look inwards and see your own faults.

Matthew 7:4-5

        “4 Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me          remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a       plank is in your own eye?

        5 Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your      own eye, and then you will see clearly to        remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”

 

What other bricks should we consider?

 

  1. Don’t be greedy- live within your means (Aso-ebi syndrome)

 

  1. Completely submit yourself to your husband including all your earthly possessions

 

  1. Honour and respect him- both in his presence and absence. Do not disrespect him in the presence of your family, friends or the children

 

  1. Pamper him, take care of him as you would your child

 

Do this, irrespective of what your husband does or doesn’t do,

and the Lord God will reward you in Jesus name.

 

All women standing, say this prayer after me:

Help me to be the helper you created me to be

Lord let my husband be captivated by my love

Father, may he always be satisfied with my bossom

(The bossom of the wife of his youth)

Give me the grace, to live above the spirit of anger

Help me to build my home and not tear it down

But most of all Lord, give my husband a new wife, but let it be me

In the name of the Father

In the name of the Son

In the name of the Holy Spirit

Amen

 

God bless you.

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